When everything breaks do you break too?

When everything breaks, do you break too? 

I originally thought I’d talk about my series of unfortunate mishaps in the past month. 

 

I thought I’d talk about boundaries and how so many boundaries in my life had been intruded, how all my material objects seemed to be breaking, how I sprained my middle finger, how I got in a car accident, my house broken into, my son’s family broken up, iPhone and iPad broke, my leg gashed open, my car in California sold for junk, my delayed flight, my lost suitcase, my broken heater, and I was going to really go into the details. 

 

But then I realized that this is an old broken record and that’s not what I want to focus on. It doesn’t bring me joy or lightness to focus on all the sh*t. 

 

Rather, I decided I’d like to talk to you about something new. 

A feeling of incredible lightness that is unfamiliar to me. 

 

On the outside everything was breaking around me and something in me also broke.

It wasn’t my hope in life. 

Rather it was an exhale, a realization, that came with a laugh. 

At first I thought if everything is breaking, I must be misaligned. I’m obviously on the wrong course, I need to remediate. 

I analyzed the idea of boundaries. True, I’ve been having some serious energetic boundary intrusion lately. Not because someone invaded them, but rather I was exhausting my reserves by wanting to support too many people with extremely traumatic stories in a condensed period of time. And hence, my energetic boundary was permeable. 



 Back in Hawaii (where I mainly live), I recently stayed in a sacred area of the island for two weeks above Kealakekua Bay. I had been told the place was haunted but when I checked into the room I would stay in, it felt energetically light. 

Long story short, I gave a Channeled Akashic Records Reading to a girl who was staying in one of the most haunted cottages. The second I walked in, I felt them all… whirling around the place. 



I asked if it was ok to enter and they said it was ok. 



Little did I know that I would be carrying some of them with me for the next period of time, due to my permeable field. 



 One moonlit eve, I walked out to a sacred Hawaiian ruin (Mo’okini Heiau) at the northern tip of the island. 



The feeling of deep loneliness arose, I felt a void that felt overwhelming. I thought it must be the northern winds and the sensation of being surrounded by a massive ocean on all sides.



 The next day I read that 10’s of thousands had been killed there as a sacrifice to the gods.

Great, I got to take that on too. 



Next day, I gashed my leg open in an underwater cavern, 3 stitches later and an interdiction to swim, my internal world was running amuck. 

A landlocked mermaid without her water resource… ouch. 

me…

I then continued with the previously mentioned mishaps on the mainland and all the way to France where I went to be with my son for his 14th birthday. (I know my travels are hard to track but think in the last 6 weeks: Hawaii- San Francisco- Hawaii- San Francisco- France- and now San Francisco and Hawaii on Tuesday!).

I know, I wasn’t going to talk about the sh*t and here I am blabbing away from the old broken record. OK, it was to give you a bit of context. 

During a biodynamic cranial-sacral treatment I literally saw an energetic cord being pulled from behind my left ear, down my neck, spiraling around my waist and exiting through my right big toe. (The same line as fascia).

The cord was being pulled out of my body like taffy. My body writhed like a silent primal scream. Uncomfortable. Yucky. 

This area of my body (the left back side of the neck) seems to have been stuck in the uterus, like the energetic seed of my conception still permeated my energetic field. 

Some of the belief systems that were formed in the prenatal and then pre-verbal phase were: “Life is hard. You are not welcome here. You don’t belong. You must fight your way to survive. You are alone.”


As the session concluded, I had an epiphany. “Hey, I don’t HAVE to keep following that pattern anymore.”

Like, I can just say, I’ve had enough. 

Easy as that. 

It’s like carrying around a backpack your whole life and someone says “Oh, you can set that down now.” 

If I dare say, this felt incredibly mind-blowing.

The world was swirling around me with chaos and underneath it, I could begin to just watch it and strangely feel anchored, calm and with the sensation of an unbeatable lightness. 

 I could even give it the word “joy.”

 

I know my session of CraniaSacral supported this, but I also know that I was READY to let go of an old story and I just needed that last nudge. 

 That whole series of “misfortunes” was like a dramatic symphony that reached its orgasmic climax, then POP!


Done.

Once I stopped the belief record from playing, everything in my life just got better. 

 Here I was constantly validating the belief by interpreting any unfortunate event around me as a reinforcement of that belief. 

How novel.

So I actually have a choice? 

I don’t HAVE to plummet to the bottom of a pit because everything in my life is is going sideways.



I don’t HAVE to freak out because now that my finger is sprained, I have to seriously limit the amount of massages I do. (aka also income.)



You mean I CAN fully follow a different direction that excites me?




 I don’t HAVE to focus on everything wrong but I can ALSO notice the awesome things in my world?


  •  How cool that the people who broke into my house didn’t actually steal anything that I can’t live without?


  • How cool is it that I get to be in France at the right time to support my son and avoid a traumatic response to his family breakup?


  • How awesome is it that my friend lends me his vehicle in San Francisco?


  • How cool is it to sprain my finger to have an excuse to expand in other ways?


  • I get to certify in Crania-Sacral Therapy this month, finish Somatic Experiencing® and add on a Certified Sex Informed Therapist training. Hell yeah. 

 

What a relief to let go of the systems that run our daily lives. 


So my dear friends, I write this as an invitation to you. 



Do you recognize the belief systems you’ve grown up with that define your relationship to the world and your place in it? 


 Is it a broken record that you’re tired of playing?


Well, alleluia, when you get tired enough of it, THAT will be the first step to freedom. 



You DO HAVE a choice to pick up a new record. Your body might still go towards that same ol’ oldie again and again but you’ve got to intercept it and play the new one… 


Before you know it, you’ll start dancing to a different beat.

Feel free to connect with me if you'd like support to begin dismantling the old belief systems ad embarking on some new ones to shift your possibilities!  

Written by Carly Ko